there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
