It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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