I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
