You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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