accomplished twins. life is a go
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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