"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
