My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
