I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
