as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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