i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
