Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
