I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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