Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
