I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize