the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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