He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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