i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
