And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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