I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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