i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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