Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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