You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
