Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
