I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What a dumb baby whore.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
and you fell through a lawn chair
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
