Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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