When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
