Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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