He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
