dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
