I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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