Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
