Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
