It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
