How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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