My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
