Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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