so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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