why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm experimenting with sincerity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
