did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
