My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
3pm strippers are depressing
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
