Your face is a jimmy john
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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