forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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