I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
