tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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