I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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