3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize