Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
