you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
