My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
