If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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