You work out of a Hotel?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
