Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
