I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
