some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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