Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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