I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
