hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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