He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
