I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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