So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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