Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They took my balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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