I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
